Dear Daddy,
Do you miss me? Do you think about me? Have I disappointed you too much? I miss you these days. I am sorry for all those times you called me on the phone and I had so little to say.
There are a few memories I’ve been turning over in my mind. There was one night when we were living in Hacienda Heights. You wanted to take me out for a walk on what was a cool Southern California evening. You put my Sunday anklet socks on my hands to keep them warm. (No mittens to be found in Southern Cal.) We walked up to Cedar Lane, the junior high school. I bragged that I could cross the monkey bars by myself. You believed me and before we knew it I was flat on my back, the wind knocked out of five-year-old me, and my shoulder blades cracking into my little chest. You picked me up and said your regrets all the way home: “I should have caught you.”
You know, dad, this is not the end: the bloody-wretched nursing home, this disease that has been eating away at you for a long, long time. This is just part of the journey, which includes this particular hell on earth. But, it won’t always be this way. But, the thing is, some days, I wake up and this one thought stabs me in the eye and crushes my shoulder blades into my chest: I’m probably going to live 40 years on earth without you. And, I still haven’t caught my breath.
4 comments:
Beautiful!
I was born in 1979. WOW! I can't believe you chose me as your Utah blogger - what an honor!!
What a beautiful post. It knocked the breath out of me.
Oh Jen,
What an incredibly beautiful tribute to your Father. I have tears in my eyes and my heart is aching. Although my dad isn't at the stage that yours is, right now, I am scared. He has been very ill with heart problems since my brother passed away, and it has only gotten worse. He is suffering from a broken heart, both literally and figuratively. This post, and your thoughts about having to live without your Dad for such a long time, really touched my soul.
You must be such an incredible blessing to your Dad. You are very lucky to have that kind of love. It is the kind of love and connection that never dies. Both you and your Father are in my prayers.
Hugs,
Debbie
PS-Thank you so much for including me on your special list. I am so very honored, Jen.
Thanks for the compliments :)Your kids are beautiful too! I went back and changed the list to the blog name instead of the people's name. Actually only like 3 of them blog together, the rest are just listed like that because that is what their blog is called. It's usually the wife that is the author.
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