Blog: Third on the Right
Ok, now I'm not sure about you, but as a genX mum / mom (from now in I'm going with mum - Aussie Aussie Aussie - Oi Oi Oi), who mixes work and motherhood to varying degrees, I am slightly skeptical about the late 20 something mums who are coming out of the filing cabinet and renouncing life as we know it, while shouting an 1950's manifesto; reverting in whole to a retro 50's dream. Firstly you, and I were not there in the 50's so are we really sure it was that cushy and that much fun for the Mrs Average? Is being the 'little mrs', with dinner on the table and a martini in hand, with a oh so cute apron over the twin set really the joy of joys these young mums want to return to?
via rachel.mcnary
I just don't get it. What I do get is wanting time with your family, wanting a secure financial situation, wanting to instill a sense of well being and love into your children and maintaining a passion for your partner. If we believe this 60 Minutes story then these young lassies think all of this, and more can be found at the end of the domestic rainbow. Now I understand we are not superwomen and the myth of 'having it all' has been dispelled some years ago. I for one don't want it all, just my wee bit of it.
And I could have loved the retro apron scene and the home baking (if it had looked like home baking ...) but this exchange did me in ...
Reporter: So, when you say Frankie (husband) gives you the housekeeping every week how does that work?
27 year old wife and mother: Oh, Frankie just gives me a certain amount of money.
Reporter: So does he decide how much you get, or do you decide together?
27 year old wife and mother: No, I didn't have a choice in that.
RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. Oh dear. Deary, me. I'm sorry, but no say in how the money earnt is used, equals a position of subservience to me. Maybe it is only the housekeeping money, maybe husband and wife do decide how the rest of the spoils of work are used. Maybe, maybe not. But something here is on the nose, it reeks. A woman who has no control or input into her financial situation is a women who is setting herself up for heartache. It is, after all one of the warning signs of domestic unrest (the others, if you want to know include isolating from friends and family, intrusions like reading your mail or checking your call log, having your clothes chosen for you, or your food or ... and the list goes on).
Choice is our most useful ally, our best resource and our greatest defense when needed. So I am not going to give away the choices other women have made possible for me in exchange for a 50's timewarp of grand delusions. Why do you think we enjoy the freedoms of today ... because a bunch of women, and I bet a few good men, in the 50's and 60's and 70s made a choice to empower themselves. Now by evolution I can choose, with some discussion with significant others and pride and a sense of self, to be a stay at home mum, the primary care giver, a partime working woman, a work from home mum, the only income earner, a self employed owner operator, a small business owner, a volunteer and the list goes on. And yes, I have been all these things at one time or another.
About LeAnd I could have loved the retro apron scene and the home baking (if it had looked like home baking ...) but this exchange did me in ...
Reporter: So, when you say Frankie (husband) gives you the housekeeping every week how does that work?
27 year old wife and mother: Oh, Frankie just gives me a certain amount of money.
Reporter: So does he decide how much you get, or do you decide together?
27 year old wife and mother: No, I didn't have a choice in that.
RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG. Oh dear. Deary, me. I'm sorry, but no say in how the money earnt is used, equals a position of subservience to me. Maybe it is only the housekeeping money, maybe husband and wife do decide how the rest of the spoils of work are used. Maybe, maybe not. But something here is on the nose, it reeks. A woman who has no control or input into her financial situation is a women who is setting herself up for heartache. It is, after all one of the warning signs of domestic unrest (the others, if you want to know include isolating from friends and family, intrusions like reading your mail or checking your call log, having your clothes chosen for you, or your food or ... and the list goes on).
Choice is our most useful ally, our best resource and our greatest defense when needed. So I am not going to give away the choices other women have made possible for me in exchange for a 50's timewarp of grand delusions. Why do you think we enjoy the freedoms of today ... because a bunch of women, and I bet a few good men, in the 50's and 60's and 70s made a choice to empower themselves. Now by evolution I can choose, with some discussion with significant others and pride and a sense of self, to be a stay at home mum, the primary care giver, a partime working woman, a work from home mum, the only income earner, a self employed owner operator, a small business owner, a volunteer and the list goes on. And yes, I have been all these things at one time or another.
So forgive me if I reserve my enthusiasm for this new tag of 'housewife superstar'. All I see is Stepford Wives and doormats in the making.
Gen X mother to two wee boys, wife and part time lover to a baby boomer ex-stay at home dad, self employed work from wherever, for whomever and when time permits friend to many, on again off again pain in the butt to some, part time work, part time domestic duties, occasional self indulgent streak ... willing 40 plus years life participant. At last count lived in 22 houses, from the tip of Queensland, Cape York to Tekapo NZ and now inhabiting the blogosphere. My home is where my boys and MIC are. My desire is to mother well, parent in a coordinated fashion, be a half decent life partner, show the boys the world and all it's endless possibilities. To love and be loved. Oh and I'd like to be lighter, brighter, smarter and funnier ... The aim is to laugh lots, cry less and add a momentary ray of sunshine to the day. Your day. Travel well.
14 comments:
LE...
I missed reading the top portion of this BLOG Post where it showed your name as the GUEST BLOGGER! I'm sittin' here thinkin...
Man! My sister's gettin' her groove on! This is great stuff! Then I scrolled down and realized she didn't write this post, you did!
Wonderful my friend. Wonderful! I knew I just loved you! You go girl!
xoRebecca (Jen's Big Sis)
LE,
Great post. It seems the 50's were great only in retrospect. Now women have more choices and I think that it works out better for everyone.
On the houeshold money thing. My wife knows what we need to make the house run and just goes out and does a great job at it. I don't need to bird dog her.
thanks for having me jen - wonderful to be in such great company :) le xoxo
ps have found it very interesting reading your other guest posts - broadening my horizons - gotta love that :)
ps looove the pic - now that's the 1950's !! fags and martinis, no boob but a bottle and the pearls ... lordy lord :) le
Times change and for the better. How many good opportunities we have now were not even a possibility back in the 50's? I am a stay at home dad, and very proud of it. There is no way I would have been able to do it back then, so I’m glad I got to live in this time.
@LE - I'm glad you like the pic! I searched high and low for something I thought would complement your piece. Thank you so much for writing this. It sings with your Aussie accent. Come to Oklahoma, Le. =)
In Oklahoma it doesn't seem to be confined to "late 20s mums". I seem to be seeing an epedemic of strong, independent women opting for a stepford wife lifestyle well into their forties.
Love the post! I couldn't help but think of my mom as I read it. She was a young wife and mother in the late 50's and 60's. She was subservient and completely POWERLESS. But...she managed to raise (4) VERY STRONG CHILDREN - and instilled a desire for INDEPENDENCE in each one of us! Thank you, Le - Thank you, Jen - and THANK YOU, MOM!!!
Le, wonderful writing, great little story. Your bio is great. Rob
I have seen the result of the "Mommy Wars" when I was starting a church school. I wanted to set hours to support the single and working moms but I was shocked at the resistance from the stay at home moms. I had no idea of the level of resentment between the two groups.
@MIDNIGHT MUSTANG - You can NOT imagine how clueless working moms are about stay at home moms. I wrote a funny opinion editorial one time about the perils of working moms, and a stay at home mom went after me. it was wild. i think she must have been unhappy or lacked the support she needed to manage her situation. i am now a stay-at-home mom and even though it's not easy caring for children ALL DAY LONG, working was still harder. Good for you for tyring to help working moms, especially single moms who have the hardest of all.
Also, it is good to hear from you, b/c I checked your blog the other day after the latest reported losses, and when you hadn't updated, well, we're always concerned.
The woman in the picture looks like my neighborhood cross dresser.
I still don't get the rift, it is a personal choice whether to stay at home or work, why resent someone for such as personal choice. Neither option is perfect. I know I have spoken to my wife several times about "Mommy Guilt". I guess we have a good situation becuase I work for a school district and can cover a lot of time in the summer. It's a little hard this year becauase I am stuck in Iraq.
I love this post and the ongoing dialogue. The 50's had alot of positives, but I wholeheartedly agree that a lot has happened since then to empower us as women. I think it's a shame that it is often women who I get evil looks from when speaking about my career and how hard I work and that I haven't gotten around to kids yet. Don't get me wrong, I will, but when will women realize that we are all on the same team? No team of men could mess with us if we weren't busy tearing each other down!
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