"Mouse," said the lion, "I did not believe that the likes of you
could ever rescue me, but now I know you are a true friend."
Not Interested
In 1990, shortly after graduating college, I answered an ad in the paper for a writing position. I mailed off my resume and a couple weeks later, I followed up with a phone call to the person whose name was listed in the ad.
As it turns out, the woman was beyond annoyed to hear from me. In fact, I never even got to the part where I told her my name. She just blurted out that if they'd been interested in me they would have called me.
I was stung by her response. I was 22, and like many Gen-Xers, I might have given up and continued working at Hertz, utilizing my $50,000 college education taping car rental coupons to paper for microfische, but, I didn't. I pursued another writing job, and shortly thereafter I was hired out of more than 100 applicants as a writer in the public affairs office at one of the largest military installations in the world.
More than 15 years later, that same woman and I competed for the same job. The reason I know that is because I was offered the job, but I turned it down. Later, I learned she'd been hired to fill the position.
Life is full surprises. Tomorrow you may find that you need to ask someone for help that you don't have time for today.
Someone Like That
Some years back, I was hired as a high-ranking member of an organization with several hundred employees. When I showed up, my name was on the door. I had a big office with a big window. I was making great money and I was given a lot of responsibility.
One of the people I soon befriended was the receptionist. She was working on completing her college degree and she wanted to write children's books. Every time I passed by her desk, I tried to stop and talk to her about her dreams. I admire people who write children's books. It's not the kind of writing I could ever do and I'm always curious how their minds work. In addition, I genuinely liked this woman. Like me, she'd been divorced and had a child in her late 30s.
As our friendship grew, she became a kind of unofficial gatekeeper for me. Instead of just patching calls directly through to my desk, she'd buzz me first and tell me who was calling. This was very helpful because often, it was the media, and often, the news they were calling about was not good. She was very smart, very savvy and very underemployed.
Then one day, a co-worker asked me why I bothered being friends with the receptionist.
"I like her," I said. "She's interesting. She's also a huge asset to this organization, and she really helps me."
The woman went on to say that she didn't think someone at my level should give someone like that the time of day.
Blessed by an IRS Agent
In 2003, I made at least three phone calls to the IRS, speaking with a different agent each time. I owed $2,000 in taxes and was setting up a payment plan, etc. The Service has long suffered from a negative public image, but on my third or fourth call, the agent I drew was particularly helpful. He came upon something in my file that made him curious, so he put me on hold.
A few minutes later, he came back on and gave me the news. In 1999, I reported the wrong social security number for my daughter. That was a very stressful year for me, and I don't recall any communication I received from the IRS about the mistake. Subsequently, I never corrected it.
That IRS agent, whose name I will never know because they only give out agent numbers, gave me the time of day. In doing so, he blessed my life. The IRS actually owed me money, not the other way around.
Three Successful People
Recently, someone very successful and who has a Wikipedia listing gave me the time of day. I couldn't believe it. Later, she returned and asked me for a little help. I really couldn't believe that. Two other very successful people - one in Oregon and one in California - were generous toward me recently with their time. It's easy to see how all three of these people got where they are today.
Can you spare the time of day?
There have been times as far back as my childhood and as recent as the last year, when I've seen people I love reach out and ask for the time of day only to be stung, dismissed, turned-down or ignored. Even as a child this type of behavior disgusted me. All the more reason I found the stories of Jesus hanging out with lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors and fisherman comforting and compelling. He was no respecter of persons bearing the ultimate heart of flesh.
These days, I have less time than ever before. Between three kids and freelancing projects, I'm actually busier than when my kids were in daycare and I worked outside the home. Still, if I can't give someone the time of day, it's never because I don't think they're worth it.
What about you? What do you think? Tell me your thoughts about giving or needing the time of day.
17 comments:
There never 'seems' to be enough time, does there? It's such a precious commodity.
The thing is, time isn't our's. We don't 'own' time. In fact, I'm not even convinced it truly exists. It's simply a man-made illusion. No other species on this planet seems to be effected by it.
So... Back on topic, showing kindness... consideration... love... to your fellow humans isn't really about having time as much as it's about doing what's right. And, you know it's right because it feels good inside when you do it.
It's early... It's Monday... I think it's time for another cup of coffee.
Have a beautiful day, Jennifer.
This is a great lesson. I'm usually the person who gets overlooked--so I try to be the one doing the overlooking. Thanks for the reminder.
Yikes! Don't ppl know: You don't burn bridges, you reinforce them!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. As far as your interaction with the receptionist, she held the keys to the company's first impressions. She is the public gatekeeper whom all should show respect. Even if she didn't "deserve" respect in some coworkers' eyes, she may have grown into the shoes and progress to bless the person who handed them down to her. YOU!
Verbally recognizing the good in others in this world may encourage those people to encourage someone else during their day. Don't you love the domino effect of smiles? A contagious smile is a refreshing oasis of nonverbal compassion.
Jen, have a beautiful smiley Monday! : )
@B2DESIGN - Well, that sums it up doesn't? You are sooooo right. It isn't at all about time. It's simply about doing what's right. And, consideration. It can be in such short supply.
@VGSMOM - Thanks for visiting! I don't think I knew you had a blog, so I'm looking forward to checking it out. As I was writing this post, I thought of people I've been late getting back to - and shuddered think of who I might have forgotten. There aren't enough hours in the day - all the more reason that it can't be about time, but rather kindness and consideration. Thanks so much for commenting and visiting!
@LOFOLULU - I don't think that some people get that or they don't allow for the possibilit that the mouse can save the lion. I just love your comments. TR told me you were bright and evolved! =)
I keep going back to what B2DESIGN said - it really is about consideration and choosing to do the right thing.
That receptionist later applied for a promotion, but was passed over. She eventually left the organization and is thriving someplace else. Sad, that too often, organizations aren't bright enough to retain their talent. They have to recognize it first and not be persuaded by titles or lack thereof.
Thanks for you thoughtful comment.
Jen--
What a "Timely" post. (No pun intended)
We live in a society of "Don't waste MY time," in which our lives are controlled by our wrist watch. We are just TOO busy.
I am reminded of something that happed years ago when my daughter was in third grade. She called me, "Momma, come quick." In reply I said, "Just a second." I soon responded -- "What do you want?" I asked. Sadness was written all over her face, "Nothing mommy, I wanted you to see the robin outside our kitchen window, but it flew away." I will never forget that "LOST" opportunity of sharing with my daughter. My heart was heavy.
How many other opportunities to share joy with others do we miss? (On the job, at the super market, our favorite cafe and nursing home) The list is endless.
Over ten years ago, I purchased a book "Randon Acts of Kindness," by the editors of Conair Press. It is a wonderful little book filled with beautiful, but simple acts of love. It is worth reading and re-reading.
Thanks again for reminding us kindness is a gift that doesn't cost anything -- only a Little TIME.
Hugs-- Gracie
Jen, with time being such a precious thing these days it seems like the best thing we can do for each other is give the time of day. Rob
Jen, this is how I live my life and I cannot imagine doing it any other way. I have been at both "levels". I spent 11 years as an exec admin and I can tell you that you don't get a lot of respect, so for the people who are kind and generous do often get those phone calls pushed up or those meetings scheduled a little bit faster than might have been the case if they weren't nice. The people that think there are classifications of people - those who warrant your time and those who don't - are the same people who are rude to wait staff, flight attendants, etc.
As I changed and advanced in my career I moved to the "other" side of the level. I never ever forgot how people treated me and always treated everyone equally, even if I really didn't have an appreciation for them. I have had people I did not particularly like become my boss, my co-chair on a committee, a person responsible for a main deliverable on a project I was managing - what would my life have been like if I had treated these poorly?
And it is not only in work life, but in all aspects of life. Imagine treating a cashier rudely and then you later find out her husband is your husband's boss? But most importantly it is just not right. It is too easy. It is harder to do the right thing to be a better person which I guess is why people don't choose that path.
For me it is an important part of my existence, I just want to be a nice person.
Sorry I went on and on, but this is an important issue to me! Thanks for the beautiful post and reminder.
Jen,
Sweetie worked as an accountant at Hertz in 1990.
Great post.In the energy business you learn early to be nice to people that you pass on the way up so they will be nice to you on the way down. I have received and sent several lifelines to people who have needed help.
It wasn't until many years after I started work did I realize how many people, many of them very high ranking in their organizations, who went out of their way to help me with various things starting when I was in high school and continuing until today. I try and pass it forward.
I've tried to keep that in mind when in my dealings now. Like, its a pain in the butt, but if I have a job opening I will interview anybody who will make an appointmenet with me. Drives the HR people crazy. I used to work in Weatherford, OK right on I40. There I talked to lots of people who needed jobs including glorified homeless people. I learned something from almost all of them (at least from the sober ones)
Its trite I know but one of the people who helped me while I was in high school (He was Chairman of the Chemical Engineering Dept. who spent several hours showing me around the school and labs and introducing me to faculty and students when I showed up to ask his secretary for some brochures.) he told me when I thanked him and apologized for taking so much of his time) "Its nice to be important but it is more important to be nice."
@GRACIE - We've all missed the robin outside the window. =( I don't think you know how much your kindnesses make a difference in thel lives of strangers. I know you've breathed me words of life into dying souls. U R BEAUTIFUL!
@ANDI - I appreciate this story so much. It's validating. I hope I never forget where I came from. I remember my dad saying ONE TIME - and that's all it took to shape me - "He wouldn't give me the time of day." My dad needed someone to give him the time of day, and you know, now I see my father's face everywhere I go - in the eyes of those who need my help. =)
@YOGI - That does not at all surprise me about you - taking the time, mentoring, giving people a chance. The energy industry in Oklahoma is probaby thriving b/c of people like you. I mean, we're all moving in one direction or another - up or down - and that direction seems to get reversed on us on a regular basis. That last line in your comment - a mantra for anyone who really wants to make a difference. Thank you!
i've been on both sides of the 'time'...this blog is a simple reminder of basic human kindness. i try to remember what plato said. even when my battle is a huge one and i have tunnel vision.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
Plato
@ANONYMOUS - I love the quote from Plato! Thanks for visiting and commenting.
Jen you are truly wise beyond your years. :-)
Some people think that in business others are there to serve them. That’s not correct. In business as in life, we have an obligation to give back. We are here on earth to make it a better place.
Most of us never ever understand just how we change people's lives with a comment or remark. When we say what they think, show what we feel, we encourage ourselves and our friends to push against the bars of the cage of safety to enlarge its dimensions.
Thankyou so much for taking the time of day to write this post and all your other posts. You give so much to the blog community and it is very much appreciated.
You are a blessing, a real blessing.
Hugs
Peggy xxxx
It never hurts to be kind or even to notice someone who may not otherwise seem important. Everyone has value. I try to give the time of day to anyone who asks - and some who don't.
Kat
The best advice my father ever gave me was: Be nice to everyone. I always took that to heart. You can never go wrong if you look at another person and treat them the way you'd like to be treated. Sadly, that seems to be going out of fashion.
In a perfect world, Jen, you wouldn't even have to write this post. Everyone would be treated with kindness and decency because that's how you treat your fellow human beings. Titles don't matter. People do.
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