why little boys cry without making a sound

Sully in Stitches

today, i hold your tiny little boy hand
(your fingernails are kind of dirty)
the nurse asks if they should restrain you
and i say no, he's very brave
and they cover your face with a big white cloth
one little circle cut out to reveal the gaping wound
right about your little boy eye

the doctor says you'll feel a stick
and an intern holds your chin beneath the white cloth
a long needle gently into the flesh
deadening the area
where they'll sow your cut shut

your legs stiffen and your feet curl
but you don't make a single sound
the nurse nods to me and says
i think this mother knows her child
and i feel so proud
that i do know you like i do
i knew you wouldn't need restraints

the nurse has just started her shift and says
you are the best way to start the day
the doctor calls you a champ
and makes the first stitch
the intern says
you are a hero
and cheers you on
you're so brave sully
the nurse says she will vote
for you for president

and i say the hero in avatar is jake sully
and someone says something about sully the pilot
who landed the plane on the hudson

you are the best sully of all

you do have great character sully-monster
i see it in your love for your sisters
your gentle arm around bridgy when she cries
your pestering love for juliette
your constant affection for daddy

your fingers curl around my index finger
tight and frightened
you are quiet, but i think
you are hurting

the white cloth is saturated
and when they pull it away
i see that you've been shedding tears
and they’ve all pooled in your ear
and now stream down your neck

***

tonight, we sit on the couch and
i cradle you like a baby
45 pounds and 3.7 feet tall
you aren't a baby anymore

i say, sully
i was really scared when I saw you
bleeding like that
and your eyes are tired and blink away sleep
and you say
i was scared, too, mommy

and i'll never forget
the look of hurt on your face and the
reluctance in your eyes
you really needed my help
and you rarely want help from anyone
you want to do everything by yourself

but, when you knew everything was going to be OK
you said
are you going to have to call the firemen?

you're such an opportunist.
you said it again.
are you going to have to call the firemen?
you want to be a fireman when you grow up.

and i carry you to your bed and i say
i will sing you a song and you say
sunshine mountain? and i say no,
that's the song Nanny sings
i say puff the magic dragon or
leavin' on a jet plane?
and i think you will pick
puff, but you don't
you say jet plane
and i sing you to sleep.

then i tell you
you don't have to cry
without making a sound.

you leave me in stitches.
forever, as you are
hemmed into the lining of my heart.