On Being a Single Dad (sort of)

By Chris
Blog: Junkdrawer67

I was going to devote my first post to ruminating about being a single dad, but then I realized that I’m not really a single dad. I’m single (or soon will be, anyway) and I’m a dad, but I’m not a single dad.

When I think single dad I think single parent. When I think single parent I think of someone raising their child/children on their own, with a support system perhaps but without a full-time partner.

Like these two guys I worked with maybe seven or eight years ago. Both of their wives have died, coincidentally, of cancer. I didn’t know either guy very well, not anymore than you know anyone you work with indirectly, but when I became a father I often wondered what it must be like to be in their shoes. Just the idea of it scared the hell out of me.

Recently I received a scare that really drove home the fact that I am NOT a true single parent. My soon to be ex-wife was diagnosed with cancer. After having her thyroid removed the biopsy revealed a malignancy. Let me tell you, it’s the kind of the thing that really shocks you, a bucket of ice cold reality right in the face!

Of course, the doctors found no cancer in the lymph nodes, which is a very good sign. And, apparently this kind of cancer is very treatable. In fact, I went to high school with a woman who had the very same thing and she’s since been cancer free for going on ten years now I think. But still – it’s cancer! And you just can’t help but worry about what might happen, what could come to pass.

It didn’t occur to me at first but eventually I began to think about the possibility of being a real single parent. I felt kind of selfish jerk for worrying about such things when C— is the one who has IT but I couldn’t help myself. My mind grabbed hold of the notion and sort of ran with it.
And I realized just how important it is to have a partner to help you raise your child/children, even if you aren’t married to them. Sure, it’s more complicated in a lot of ways, but it’s got to be better than flying solo.

I became much more acutely aware of all the things that C— does for our daughter and by extension for me, since her support helps me to be a better parent. All the things she takes care of in addition to simply being a great Mom, like organizing and filling out all the necessary forms for summer camp and Brownie activities, and making sure we’re both on the same page for A—‘s many appointments, doctor’s and otherwise, stuff like that. It’s not that I can’t do these things. I can, and have, and do. And if I had to do it all by myself, I would figure out a way. But knowing you have someone else to help you out, to catch things that you might miss, well, it’s kind of like the difference between juggling rubber balls and very delicate, expensive crystal globes.

Read more about Chris on the Contributors page.

Photo Credit: Molochai via Flickr