Every once in awhile I come across a piece of writing that is so terrific, I wish I'd written it. An article by Mary Elizabeth Williams is a perfect example. She recently published a piece on Generation X women in midlife crisis for Salon. Here is an excerpt:
In truth, like many people my age, I hated high school and my 20s sucked as much as they rocked. So while we may take the baby barrettes out of our graying hair and no longer fit the description of grrrl, my generation has been pretty busy spending the last few decades living its life, starting its zines, cranking out some great music and generally not giving much of a crap about its hotness to begin with. I'll gladly answer to "slacker," but even if it's with a wink and a self-deprecating laugh over pleather miniskirts gone by, don't call me "formerly" anything.
Essentially, what happens when you (i.e. Generation X women) are no longer hot? What happens when you become formerlies?
I have an interesting history with hotness. It began by not being hot for a very, very long time. I was not a sexy teenager and I was not a sexy co-ed. As such, I never learned to depend on looks to get me ahead. Although I wasn't an ugly duckling, I blossomed late. So, in the early 1990s when a coworker suggested to me that part of the reason I received a promotion and someone else didn't was because I was better looking, I didn't know whether laugh or be offended. And, to think I thought I'd been promoted because I knew the AP style guide frontwards and backwards and my competition couldn't conjugate verbs. [Sigh]
Ultimately, ascending the ladder of relative hotness as others were descending it was a strange and uncomfortable experience. I embraced it for a time and had some fun with it, although I also learned that being sexy (it's relative) has a colossal downside. I'll make a note to myself to write about that later.
This past weekend, I had a final summer hurrah of shopping and dining with Juliette. At one point during our mom-daughter day, she told me a story about someone she knows whose mother wanted her to call her by her first name instead of by mom while they were out in public. I guess the woman didn't want anyone to know she was old enough to be her daughter's mother.
As I pulled into Freddy's Custard, I told Juliette I didn't think that woman could be fixed. If a woman is not comfortable with who she really is by the time she's 40, I don't think she ever will be. I may not be ready to fully embrace my place among the silver-haired matrons, but I am no maiden. And, honestly, thank goodness. If I were a maiden I'd have to work through maiden problems all over again.
So far, my 40s have been my best decade. It's such ashame that our culture implores our lack of imagination. We are beseeched to make our greatest investments and place our greatest values on the most temporal things. On behalf of our Creator the Psalmist reminds, the flower fades and the grass withers. The Word of God, flesh in Christ, remains forever. And on His behalf King David wrote this simple verse: "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
When I was little, I thought fear of the Lord meant being afraid of God, but now I know it means being afraid to live without Him - his love, wisdom and guidance. All three of these things provide a measure of protection that is both brotherly and fatherly. Hot and formerly hot women alike need it.
In the end, I guess it comes down to values. I want to look nice, terrific even, but it's just not the card with which I seek to lead. This woman and this woman and this woman don't lead with that card, and I happen to think all three are beautiful and terrific!
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Photo Credit: I love the work of the above photographer, who generously makes her work available for sharing through the Creative Commons License. Her photos are evocative and intend to incite the love relationship between God and woman. The caption she provided for this photo is: "Turn to me. I have everything you need, love." Check out more of her work at kelsey_lovefusionphoto via Flickr.
C
7 comments:
That is a difficult subject to write about and not end up sounding ... all the things you don't want to be (narcissistic, vapid, shallow), but you did it well. Heck, I'm even having trouble just commenting effectively. For now I'll just say that I totally get it and I applaud the author for having the guts to write about it.
I love this post -- Suzanne and I have been chewing on this for years over sushi lunch. Beauty fades, but smart is forever. I just never want to see the light in women's eyes fade as the years go on. It's the sparkle that makes us not only attractive but truly aware of the benevolent nature of the Universe. (Oh, and by the way, I never thought I was beautiful -- until I hit about 39 and realized that it was on the inside.) xoxox
Looks are definitly the reason I was attracted to my wife. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. But what put me over the waterfall of love was how smart she is and the conversations that we had and still have. Today she is even more intelligent and she also makes a better man. She is still the only one that makes me take a double look when she walks by and she always will because she is the only one I can be true with. Rob
Interesting perspective. I have thought about this lately. I never considered myself hot as a young person, but I am slowly becoming more comfortable with who I am on the inside and out. Today a person at work approached me and said, "I don't know what it is, but today you are just glow." First I did a quick count back to when my last period was and breathed a sigh of relief. Then I said thank you and it brightened the rest of my day. We need to just be able to give the same compliments to ourselves that we give away to other women so freely.
I read this piece in the NYT last week, and the author is still very attractive. But sadly, today, society's idea of "hot" is looking like some skank Tiger Woods would bang in a church parking lot. Yes, that was crude, sorry.
But it's funny. The women I find attractive are usually well over 30-Halle Berry, Christina Hendricks, Salma Hayek, Helen Mirren.
And why do we always have to comment on a woman's perceived hotness? Why not men's hotness? There is this idea that once a woman becomes of certain age she is no longer attractive. Yet, men become more distinguished with the gray hair and wrinkles. BS. My HS recently had it's 25th reunion. I didn't go, but I did peruse some of my former classmates on Facebook. For the most part the women look great. And a lot of the guys look like slapped ass.
I also appreciated the links you provided to women who you think are beautiful and terrific. Elizabeth Warren is a girl crush of mine.
I really appreciated your post, it was beautifully written and I certainly appreciate your faith in me for the future of Oklahoma.
I have one question....
Why does it matter?
Should not people be judged upon their intelligence and character?
Looks are not the major thing in any relationship, sure they are a nice added attraction but, to think that is all there is seems blase, and superficial.
Yes being pleasing to the eyes is a good thing. But, a wise man once said simply "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!"
So, I tend to think it is only the female of the species that is self deprecating when it comes to how they look. Most men are not looking for that in and of itself. If they are then they are just as superficial and stupid.
-John
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