A Eulogy for Hostess

Hostess Sno ball cupcakes
via naotoj

Dearly Beloved Generation X,

We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of our friend Hostess, who helped raise us. And, to pay our last respects to Ding Dong, Twinkie, Sno Ball and Zinger. Let us not forget Ho-Ho and Cup Cake, too.

 

Is it any wonder? So long, faithful friendĀ  | jenx67.com

It is with great sorrow we consider our future without the red, yellow and blue polk-a-dot Wonder bread wrapper. We express our heartfelt regret for every time we bought lesser brands because they were on sale.

In the days, months and years to come we will recall with great affection your cream-filled centers. We will never get over the loss of your frilly pink cocount. You turned orange for us every autumn, and I faint recall the St. Paddy’s Day you wore green. We totally took you for granted, Sno Ball.

Ding-Dong, you were never quite the same after you shed that beautiful foil wrapper, but we still loved you. You weren’t as cakey as Cup Cake either, but we liked that about you.

And, dear Cup Cake, we’re very sorry we never told you that you were filled with more cream than your knock-off counterparts.

Twinkie, you were your own gigantic institution. You were like a sponge soaking up Baby Boomer and Millennial love. As quintessential Gen Xers who embraced underdogs and the counterculture, you were our least favorite Hostess. You see, Twinkie, we knew your dirty little secret. You always wanted to be somebody else: Timer!! RIP you weird little cake.

Raspberry Zinger Hostess
jenx67.com

And, now finally, Generation X, let us observe a moment of silence on behalf of Raspberry Zinger. RZ, you were the ultimate Gen X babysitter. Do you know how phenomenal you were? What will become of your cult following? It’s anyone’s guess.

And, now to all the Hostess snacks that made growing up latchkey more bearable. Return to the sugar fields from whence thou came, and in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

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5 Responses to “A Eulogy for Hostess”

  1. Jennifer

    You’ll probably live longer than the rest of us who have. haha! Thanks, Andi!! I’m always happy to see a comment from you.

    Reply
  2. Andi Fisher

    Although I don’t eat of these items now, I definitely ate them growing up! Ding Dong was my favorite and I couldn’t agree more about it not tasting the same without the tin wrapper!

    Reply
  3. Anonymous

    Thank you Jen. Something needed to be said. And now, a brief moment of silence. 70sKidCramer

    Reply

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