My deeds, my hands, this mess
in guilt we silence our questions
I say my prayers nevertheless
did I do it right, don’t you leave me yet…
—Tanya Davis, Please Bless
I am painfully aware of the sentimentality in my writing. I can’t turpentine my way free of it. You’d have to douse me with methylene chloride to peel back this stubborn layer of woefulness. And, then I’d be standing in a puddle of toxic sludge. It wouldn’t be pretty, and no one would forgive me, but it would be honest.
Another summer has come and gone and I am sad. Very sad. I’ve spent the entire summer in a caged Ferris Wheel. Every second of every day spinning through miracles and disappointments; gratitude and bitterness. My life is in equal measure rejoicing and cussing. And, all my prayers are desperate: Please bless my children, God. Please.
So, about this bones birthday party for my son Sullivan. A mother must be a particular kind of hopeful to throw her son a birthday party at a museum full of bones. It was so Gen X of me making his birthday educational and all. But, seriously, we had such a great time! The museum staff was really helpful and entertaining.
We went to the Osteology Museum where Sully got to touch a bunch of animal pelts and play with skulls. This was slightly disgusting to the teenage vegan in our family, otherwise known as Juliette. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her frozen matcha green tea smoothie with the dark blue tapioca pearls reminds me of the frog my BFF dissected in 10th-grade biology. When Melanie cut it open its insides were full of eggs.
Sullivan’s birthday always marks the passage from summer vacation to the start of a new school year. It’s a busy time, and I’m nothing short of amazed that any mother would burn down the highway on a 102-degree day to bring their son to honor mine.
Giving myself an E for Effort on these bones cupcakes. I love you, Sullivan. Happy 10th Birthday. I treasure you and look forward to many more years being your mom. I can’t believe you are 10! The day you were born my life began anew. Read this someday and know that you were a gift from God. He made you and designed you for me for children are a gift from the Lord.