It’s getting darker later and the kids are able to play outside in the front yard longer. I remember when we moved to this neighborhood back in 2001, there were hardly any kids around. Now, the neighborhood is full of kids with so many young families returning to the inner city. Still, at times, this neighborhood rings hollow. I second-guess myself and wonder what it might have been like to raise the kids on a small farm or even in suburbia. I imagine bikes strewn across driveways and kids running to and fro. Neighbors ringing doorbells to borrow eggs or butter or a roll of toilet paper. Ha!
Bridgy is currently practicing for the Miss Majorette of Oklahoma contest as well as the state baton twirling championship. It’s a combined contest in Enid, Oklahoma. Bridgy’s aunt, my sister Becky, has made her a beautiful dress for pageant modeling, which is one of the required events for Miss Majorette. I can’t wait to share pictures of Bridgy wearing it.
Lampposts at Dusk
I always love it when the kids play in the front yard around dusk. The pretty vintage lampposts come on and the sun goes down. It reminds me of all the times I played in the front yard until dark. The grass was always cool and damp on my feet. My mother would call me to come inside. I always thought she was angry, but now I know it was just her concern for me. She didn’t want to lose me in the dark.
It feels so dark without her now. I miss her so much. It hurts that she is gone. It hurt so badly to see the life gone out of her. It is the worst memory of my life. It’s not what she wanted — to die. She wanted to live forever and stay with us.
I miss you, Mom. Please send us signs from heaven that you see us, that you are with us, still.