Today, my son turns four. Here is a letter to my little boy.
dear sully,
my father wrote something in a card to me once.
i came across it recently.
he wrote, “you were one of my favorite gifts of all.”
my father was 37 the year i was born;
the same age i was the year you were born.
and, sully.
you are one of my favorite gifts of all.
***
i had my father for a long time before
alzheimer’s, dementia and nursing homes came along.
thirty-five years to be exact.
i miss him. i didn’t have him long enough.
still, it was longer than some kids gets their dads.
***
i wonder how long you’ll get me.
i hope it’s for a really, really long time. (it better be!)
but, if it’s all the same to you,
while i can still remember everywhere i’ve ever been and
everyone i’ve ever known and everything i’ve ever learned
there’s something i want you to know.
all the things i’ve gone through in my life, sully
were just things i had to get through
to get me to you.
***
i wish i’d known in the difficult hours
that visited me during the years before your birth
(divorce is so awful – especially when it coincides with the moment your clock starts ticking)
that you were waiting for me.
(God knew you before you were born!)
i am so glad to have received you four years ago,
and happier still for every new day i get with you.
***
big sister juliette is my sun.
and, little sister bridgy is my stars.
and you sully, will always be the moon that shattered
that dark and remaining boatslip of sadness in my heart.
i wanted you so bad!
and, i got you.
and, i’m grateful that you are my son.
***
happy birthday, sully!
i hope you like your new bike;
your matchbox cars
and your rubber snakes.
***
and, please sully.
try not to scare me with them.
love,
mommy
This is very lovely. Each time I visit this blog I am taken by the kindness and the love of your spirit.
Be well Jen. Be very well.
Happy birthday to your son. That’s a very sweet letter. Your son is lucky to have you.
Happy, happy birthday to your beautiful little man. Sometimes, what we end with is much more than we could ever have imagined. I am so happy to know that Sully was this to you, and that you are this for Sully. A perfect mother/son pairing. I love what your father wrote to you. Even though things with him are different now, in so many ways, YOU are still a part of his HEART. That can never change, Jen.
I am so glad that you went on to find a happy marriage and more babies, after your divorce. You are the kind of person who deserves those wonderful things and so much more.
This is such a beautiful post, Jen. Sully will treasure it, someday. Oh yes, and I love that your mom always seems so proud of you with her lovely thoughts here in the comments. You are lucky to have one another.
Enjoy your little boy! He is just precious.(like his mom)
Big hugs,
Debra
a handsome boy, indeed! You and Rob are so blessed to have such a beautiful son, and I can clearly sense just how proud you are of him. Congrats to Sully and his proud mama and papa.
Uncle Bill loves you, Sully.
Happy birthday to Sully. What a sweet boy. He has the most gentle face.
And your note to him is lovely and loving.
Hi Jen,
What a powerful letter to Sully. I really love the line about getting through things to get to him. How beautiful. He’ll treasure this someday.
Jen, this is so beatiful. It is heartfelt and moving. I’m glad that you have the ability to let your love shine. Rob
Awesome letter. Very very touching.
While you are blessed to have these three wonderful spirits entrusted to your care, they are so blessed to have chosen you to be their Mother. Your love for them overwhelms me with emotion. The power of such love touches me on so many levels. I know you will all be together for a very long time.
blessed be…
donis
What a wonderful gift
For your four year old boy
Many years from now
It will bring his heart joy
We are smart to value
Our most special treasures
Many years from now
Our lives fondest pleasures
gld
Too sweet. I would have loved to have heard words like that from either of my parents.
Happy Birthday Sully!
Jen–
What a beautiful letter to your son. He will cherish this letter, just like his momma holds the letter her daddy wrote to her.
It will remain forever in your heart.
Thank your for sharing this (nearly forgotten) memory.
Love you– Mom
@REMI Thank you for your sweet prayer!
@ANDI Thank you! If my dad could have had a blog – top 100 – easy.
Beautiful post Jen. I wish that there were blogs around when are parents were our age, so that we would have something to read, it would be so special to have them!
Beautiful!
Jen,
This feels so spoken from the heart, and real. I can tell so much how you love this little boy in your life (just like his sisters). And I feel this feeling of time slipping away, and I’m not sure if that’s what you were feeling or not. Know that the feeling I had from this, that fleeting feeling – is one that makes me, tonight, take that extra time when I’m tucking my kids into bed…
Keep on loving Sully. What a special person in your life! Happy Birthday little man!
awe.. this is awesome.. Happy Birthday Sully!
What your dad wrote to you and now you to your son, absolutely awesome… I pray you Sully has you for many gazzillion years yet.. Amen!
Much love x