I was grounded
While you filled the skies
I was dumbfounded by truths
You cut through lies
I saw the rain-dirty valley
You saw Brigadoon
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon

The Waterboys, 1985

My wonderful Gen Z son. We sacrificed much of our retirement savings to provide him with a parochial education. He made good use of that opportunity, entering the University of Oklahoma with 21 credit hours already completed through AP coursework. He has earned scholarships covering nearly all of his college, carries a 4.0, and before turning 20, started his own film production company, Square Cinema Co. Still I believe the credit belongs to the man in the arena, not the parents who paid for the boxing lessons. They may not know it yet, but Generation Z has been the true occupation of Generation X.

The Very Long Marathon

Generation X grew up in an era where we were expected to earn everything including respect, authority, and a seat at the table. These things were the prize at the end of a very long marathon. We were told if we just worked harder and stayed compliant, we would, in time, be worthy of more. Eventually, someone in charge would give a nod and finally grant trust, approval, and advancement.

So, we kept our heads down even when the math didn’t add up. Like having the title but none of the actual power, or being held responsible for outcomes we weren’t allowed to influence. We watched decisions get made behind closed doors and watched them roll out as if we had nothing of value to contribute to the process. We learned pretty quickly that reality bites. We thought that movie was about us. Our ambition. The irony. The refusal to sell out. But looking back, I realize it wasn’t really about the present at all. It was about something that had already slipped away.

The Bachelor’s degree, graduate classes after 10-hour days, and 10 years in entry-level roles found us right back where we started, standing on the front steps of Pay Your Dues. In due course, we would do something adjacent to selling out just to survive.

This was a really bad deal.

Starry-Eyed Belief System

Never, not for one second, did any Gen Xer I know live in a starry-eyed belief system. Instead, we lived problematic lives, entering the workforce during recessions and corporate downsizings. Forever, we would possess a latchkey mentality: figure out how to survive because nobody is coming to help you. This wasn’t patience. This was cynical, gritty endurance because our massive student loans didn’t care whether or not we were actualized with a seat at the table.

Ultimately, too many of us endured too much, into and even beyond our prime.

Realities, Cold and Hard

During the last 35 years of my career, I have witnessed work environments that happily consume everything you’re willing to give. Your competence, your sanity, your creativity, your judgment, your talent, your stellar work ethic. Even your hope. They’ll tell you you’re one smart cookie. Essential. Part of the family. And yet, they still won’t respect you. Why? Because true respect requires a leader to share control, and not everyone is brave enough to do that. If you’re ever squeezed like that, know it isn’t a performance failure on your part. It’s a design flaw baked into the organization. Even my little granddaughter knows we cannot sift the cake after it has been frosted.

These realities left Generation X cold, distant, and hardened. Eventually, the mind will do what it was built to do. It will start pushing back on what is misaligned, inefficient, or simply wrong. And that’s when the language changes and people get relabeled.

They’ll stop calling you capable and start calling you difficult. You aren’t principled anymore; you’re just insubordinate. And most astonishing of all, when you point to the threats and weaknesses that put the mission at risk, you will be labeled a risk.

In this context, the person who emerges as protector will tell you over and over how they shielded and preserved you. But in your heart, you know they were just holding on to power by holding on to the brain trust that was always you.

The Toll This Takes

We must be honest about the toll this has taken. There’s a difference between healthy self-reflection and the kind of chronic self-doubt that a toxic environment triggers. If Gen Z is not careful, they will subject themselves to their fathers’ sleepless nights. They will speak to no one about their pain, which they will swallow in silence, morning, noon, and night, year after year.

When you’re starting out, it’s normal to ask, “Am I doing this right?” or “How can I get better?” This is how we grow. But it’s prudent to stay alert for when the questions start to sour: Why am I not trusted to do the job I was hired to do? Why am I on a need-to-know basis? Why does this feel harder than it should be? Why am I always second-guessing myself?

Respect Is Not A Trophy

Something is very wrong if you have to re-earn your legitimacy week in and week out. Respect isn’t a trophy you win after a decade of endurance; it’s the foundation. It’s responsibility paired with authority. It’s being asked what you think and what you know before decisions are made, not getting a memo after.

Looking back, I always saw more than I admitted. I remained quiet as I navigated landmines and made peace with people who stockpiled hand grenades in anticipation of skirmishes they would conveniently manufacture. Nothing was to scale, and the pattern is clear to me now. Start a war where no conflict exists and emerge victorious.

Suffice to say Generation X has spent their entire lives near one blast radius after another. Moreover, we spent decades justifying our existence to Baby Boomers, striving way too long to earn things that were never actually on the table. These days, we spend our time explaining ourselves to Millennials, pointing out, with some regularity, that we have already done many of the things they think they invented.

The Baseline

Generation Z is different. They have the vocabulary for this stuff that we didn’t. They see the patterns faster, and they aren’t afraid to call out the nonsense. I love that about them. They are already miles ahead of where we were and probably don’t even need this advice. Nevertheless, knowing the truth at 20 and living it for 40 years are two vastly different stations in life.

There will be times when the signals Gen Z receives will be mixed, and staying will feel safer than leaving. In those moments, I hope they will pay attention to what their gut is already telling them: Believe in yourself. Most of the time, the problem will have had nothing to do with them. I hope when and if they ever discover that their role only exists on paper, they straightaway plan their exit strategy. Otherwise, they will waste their career, which isn’t the totality of their lives, but still a big part of it.

And if they remember nothing else I’ve said, I hope they’ll remember this: Respect isn’t the finish line, it’s the baseline. And if someone doesn’t give it to you on day one of your new job, they never will.

For 20 years I’ve written culturally literate, emotionally complex and historically grounded long-form articles and photo essays about Generation X (b. 1961-1981) that are rooted in memory, decay and preservation. Much of my content is museum and editorial-level storytelling. Thank you for reading and sharing.